My iPad Case Search Is Scary

“Hot mess” was invented so salespeople talking behind my back after this weekend finally have an adjective for describing my obnoxiousness. I mean, I am supposed to hear back from a brand buyer if they’d consider doing a custom forest green iPad case tomorrow. I feel really obnoxious and ate a bag of peanuts to make myself feel less so.

In one of my rare public appearances this February, being sick and all that jazz, I have successfully annoyed all the salespeople, kind as they are, across the Atlantic Ocean. It all started with an innocent iPad case dilemma.

I decided on an iPad, which was simple enough. I know what I want for technology. My problem arrived when I quickly saw how hideous iPad cases often are. The Apple brand ones look too flimsy, and I didn’t want a clap that falls off. Kate Spade and cases of her brand’s ilk are too expensive for what they are, for when you see them in real life, they look junky. Like…sleeping bags.

I got a Gucci golden Guccissima fabric that screamed G all over out of desperation from among my favorite salespeople ever, which made me feel guilty returning it. I mean, i always feel uncomfortable wearing logo crazy stuff. I love Gucci, as long as the brand name is one place, and the rest? All fabric or leather or illegal polar bear skin or whatever. Kidding, as I would never skin a bear wrongfully for an iPad’s sake, in case PETA wanted a chain letter started against me. Originally, I was going to get this thing with calf hair, some kind of hair,dyed into animal print, and changed my mind.

This idiot guy I find obnoxious whom I don’t speak with for plenty of reasonsmmakes fun of me, “She is so stupid! Blah, blah, blah! I bet she’s returning gifts from people because they’re not green Chanel! Hahahhah!” with a big snicker. He’s sort of a nuisance in many aspects but absolutely right in this case as his joking around has proven prophetic. I can’t stand wearing stuff that isn’t some shade of green in terms of purses. Gucci did not have a green case, so I returned it. I didn’t want to continue using this one past the return period. I don’t like wearing certain things because they’re like stocks in a way that don’t retain current market value. I’m…as some people say to my dislike, anal. About food, about purses and certainly, about cases holding technological devices.

I tried the Burberry book style iPad case on mine. The book felt like it was about to get stuck or bust. Either one, not good. Besides, it looked like a knockoff you’d find out in Times Square. I may have gotten a solid color book style had they had one that fit,my case without feeling too snug.

The Chanel envelope looked awesome - I could make an exception with the color on this one because it looked good and matches the rest of my stuff from them, like the iPod case that’s still holding up like new circa 2007 - but part of my pad stuck out. I’m not risking my precious files falling out. Never ever. My precious pad would shatter! Pass.

Prada cases look like giant tampon boxes. Their purses are so so, I guess, but the cases yuck. Mine got stuck in it anyway, and the cases don’t have a fastening option. The book was really flimsy. Hermes looked really boring online, so I didn’t bother asking them.

As of this moment, I am using a Diesel black leather case, which the nice guy took from the back like it were a secret explosive. My iPad doesn’t get stuck, the case is a lovely book format that flips over on the back so I can fold it into my lap, it doesn’t look junky, it only cost me only $80 plus tax, it has some tough street cred like typical Diesel products, the case folds back into place really fast when I want to stuff it into my (green) purse, etc. It looks really good and brings, almost, nearly, this artsy feel when I rip open my portfolio and/or illustration sketchbook portfolio. I am hanging onto the box though in case I want to return it because….,..

Like I said, tomorrow, I’m supposed to see if this brand will agree to do custom green, though not for several billion dollars. Customs can run pretty high. I will absolutely do it if it isn’t as much as buying a small country. I want them to essentially match one of two of my purse type fabric looks they should have at the factory.

I do realize I am pounding away on my pad keyboard - I haven’t been on my laptop since I hadn’t felt my best - because I seriously want to nag. I want to tell you guys all about how difficult it is finding something in a desireable, nonmasculine color that is not bimbo hot pink nor of bad quality, for an iPad. Under $12,000,000. And not Tumi. A few guys referred me to that brand but warned it was boring. I also avoided that store.

I am on an anger roll right now as a result. Men, girls who date girls….

Please be grateful that your girlfriends and wives are not like me. I can super bitchy mad when i don’t find what I want, more so when I’m not feeling healthy and see mounds of sugar cookies I could be eating if I were a normal young person who didn’t sick off that junk. Be grateful your significant others don’t bust in demanding green accessories and eat leisurely at restaurants without asking for something specifically made. For example, me today. “Tofu done without frying, soft, nothing deep fried, no breaking, etc.” I am a massive nag more than ever. I take out this side of me once you realize this sweet girl most of the time is here, and then ohhhh no! You’re friends with your obnoxious grandma in a young girl’s figure!!!!!!

I want to be the worst pain in the cigar butt you’ve ever met this moment because I’m feeling cranky, sort of bad asterisk, rotten, moody, grrrrrrr!!!!! I want to rip open an envelope right now!! Rip! Sorry, my anger outbursts don’t extend very scarily far. The most I can do is rip apart a paper. The newspaper might be too tough for my frame. I need to workout again, get healthy again and quit being a wash rag. I look like one for sure.

At least I walked a good amount this freezing day. Oh, how I missed walking in fresh air. Special thanks to the wonderful Diesel folks who besides being impeccably hipster attired and nice, helped me clean my iPad today. Very sweet. And I hear ripped shorts are coming in for summer OMG, like, I must sooooo go. Sorry, trying to sound valley girl for a second. I do in all honesty want to get good shorts haha.

Tagged as: Gucci. Prada. bitch. divs. purse. designer. fashion. Chanel. apple. iPad. iPad case. iPod. leather. diesel. shopping. junk food. cookies. anger. angry. green. grandma. moody.